Sxcfobbabe's Journals

Charlie's Birthday Yesterday :( R.I.P. Charlie x

Yesterday It Was Charlie's Birthday And It Was Such A Miserable Day For Us And His Family. Man I Miss HIm So Much.

â™¥R.I.P Charlie Medhurstâ™¥

XxXxX

A Little Hate Poem About My Mum!

As my heart aches the world starts to shake

The knife digs to her heart. Now I awake

I scream my lungs out the message is clear

So happy so full of cheer

Sheâ�™s dying Iâ�™m smiling now face full of glee

She grabs my shirt crying and starts to plea

To her, to save her life

I shake my head and take hold of the knife

Plunge it into her over and over again

She falls, chokes, another stab I send

Sorry mum I say smiling even more

I look at her take a breath, die on the floor

I look at my friends face full of fear

Covered in her blood I start to cheer

I turn around and give a frown

Sheâ�™s dead. She canâ�™t hurt me now

To my mum I fucking hate you go and die! Before I do

FUCKING MUM AND DAD AHHHHHHHHHHH!

What fucking cunts! I hate my mum dad and my brother! So much. Because of them Iâ�™m never allowed to see my friends ever again. It werenâ�™t even my fault! Jodi was fucking pissed and come to my house with Lawrence, Sophie (who wasnâ�™t that pissed that much but she is really good at playing sober) and Alex came to my house and they were pissed. Jodi was worse she was crying her eyes out because she wanted to see me and because she had vodka in her eyes. So Jodi and Sophie went upstairs in the bathroom. And I ran downstairs and started chatting to Lawrence and Alex. Lawrence was on the floor and me and Alex helped him up, when we got him up he gave me a hug just said â�˜you alright Shaunieâ�™ I said yeah and he walked off down my path. Then Alex was fucking pissing me off keep saying sorry. Jodi and Sophie came down the stairs her still fucking shouting and crying her head off (she werenâ�™t actually crying just moaning and groaning really loudly) and after something my brother (who is sixteen) told my mum and dad so I werenâ�™t allowed to go out there but I just stood at the door. Then Jodi went down my drive and cried louder and my neighbor came out and asked what was wrong and I just said â�˜donâ�™t worry Jodiâ�™s just a little light headedâ�™ she said okay really worried and went back in after about 2 seconds later, we heard the fucking police sirens coming. But they still didnâ�™t move. And when I went to go in Alex said bye in shit then Lawrence pulled him back up and said â�˜Do your thingâ�™ and so he asked for a kiss and I made out with him even though I didnâ�™t want to (heâ�™s 16 same age as my brother and Iâ�™m 13), and after all the shit after that. I was on msn to Lawrence and Alex they were on webcam and Lawrence asked me from Alex. Lawrence said that Alex proper loves me and stuff and I was like â�˜Oh okayâ�™ then we talked then he asked me from Alex â�˜Would you see meâ�™ I started saying well I donâ�™t want to sound like a bitch and everything and he said itâ�™s okay he wont remember it tomorrow. So I said â�˜sorry but noâ�¦.Iâ�™m so sorryâ�™ then I just saw Alex run off and Lawrence chased him. I feel so bad now. But I didnâ�™t like him that way and I didnâ�™t like making out with him. And they said just make out with him because youâ�™re never going to see him again and I said okay so I did now Iâ�™ve been told he fucking lives in hawkings. So advise my if you must or say something because I cant do nothing now.

I donâ�™t want to see Alex; Iâ�™m not allowed to ever see Jodi, Sophie Lawrence and Alex again!

â™¥Love Shaunieâ™¥

xxxxx

Time To Take My Last Breath! I Did This For You!

Time to take my last breath

In my mouth I taste a painful death

Living to the end

Waiting for a shadowed angel you send

After my body is blue and cold

My life is so painful no waiting till I'm old

As I hold this blade to my neck

I'm sitting here crying from regret

Painful or painless will I choose

Any because I have nothing left to lose

Change my mind I want agonizing pain

I change the way I kill myself once again

Holding the blade to my wrist

Hold my breath and make a slit

Iâ�™m smiling and the blade rips my skin

This is a game only I can win

Iâ�™m happy now donâ�™t you see

I did this for you, thereâ�™s no more me.

By Shaunie Kimberly Smith

The Funnyest Two Day's I Ever Had At School, After You Read This You May Think We Are Very Mad

I't All started Second lesson On a Wednesday, We had double P.E. and Me, Jodi, Sophie and Natasha wernt doing it, so we were surposed to be watching but tasha had better intentions of listening to my Mp3 player with me, she took it out for everybody to see and started playing with it, 'Tasha you idiot put it away or at least make it abit more conspiquous that your playing with my Mp3 player' she said sorry and tryed to hide it, but she is really hopeless at doing it so i snatched it off her and put the music on, we were sitting there with are heads leaning on each other listening to 'What's This' by Fall Out Boy, off course me and her had to sing the words and dance, we looked like complete idiots sitting sing and dancing to no music, and then all a sudden she sat on the Mp3 player and the song changed to 'A Little Less 16 Candles' and it came on so loud i fell forward screaming, so i cant hear anything for about five minutes while she lying on the floor laughing her head off and when she laughs she getts everybody going. And after we finally stopped the lesson was over but we had it again after break. So at break me and Natasha were being funny we made each other laugh so much (we do that to each other because we are so funny LOL) are lungs were hurting. Then the bell went so we went back into lesson, We were sitting in the gym corner because we wernt doing it just talking when I said 'Lets rip my shoes apart shall we, Natasha pull' she grabbed the soul of my shoe and ripped it clean off and all of this white cotten came out, so we ripped the other one off and started throwing the cotten at each other. there was i massive bit and tasha stuck it to the wall and shouted out 'it's a sperm cell' and everybody looked at us beacuse she said it so loud Me, her and Jodi just start laughing are heads off. So did sophie and that got her in the mood to be silly. And we did millions of other things aswell what purly killed Natasha from laughing. My shoe's were ruined there was cotten everywhere and like a ting layer of soul left. But we had drama and we were going to go with Matt and Nathen who are both hilarous, we were all doing a play about a kid Emo Joe who i was playing had run away from him adopted mother and sister who were crule to him, my sister Stacie (who Jodi was playing) would hit me and blame me for everything and my mum beat me until i would cough up blood and could breath properly. Jodi called me in to give some tea to my mum (Who Becca was playing) and Jodi smashed the plate up what had the tea on all over mum and blamed it on me, so Mum knocked me down on my hands and knees making me clean it up whille pushing my face in burning hot tea. Then my Mum and Sister started beating me up, Jodi kicked me in the stomach repetively and Becca kept kneeing me in the face and cutting my legs while i was crying and coughing up blood from Jodi kicking me in the stomach, i was beggin fo them to stop but they wouldn't so when they stopped i ran up into my bedroom what is a little pit because my siter kept trashing it. I wrote on the wall in my blood 'Gone home sorry' and the play contunudes. So to carry on of what i was saying before, Nathen was sittting next to me putting his fingers in my shoe and playing with it (while it was till on my foot) and i couldnt stop laughing, and after we tryed each others shoes on, He's a size 12 and I'm a size 4 so it was very funny. we just sat there making jokes and everything. And after we had Art and we all sit on the same table talking about sex while Matt trys to start touching everybody up. And everyone was just talking dirty and when Jodi lost her virginity in the park LOL. the end of the lesson was coming so i put red paint on my wrists because i love being different (by the way we were NOT taking the piss out of emo's, we love emos) and everybody did it, we gave Nathen a makeover tucked his trousers into his socks, pulled his trousers really high, made his tie really long and i did something with his scarf. It was hillarous. But then we had to go home but i wanted ot stay and muck about with Nathen, Matt, Jodi and Sophie.

Next Day

There was a massive fight of about 90 of us pushing and shit, and of course i was right in the middle of it with my friends laughing while getting pushed about. i couldnt stop laughing. And at lunch the whole playground was quite so me and Natasha had a brillient idea. we stood ontp of these poles where everybody could see us. Natasha shouted 'Hay' everybody looked at us and if they didnt we were going to make them because you couldnt of just ignored what we did next. we started waving are arms and started singing 'Welcome To The Black Parade' everybody stared but i didnt care (i dont care what anybody thinks of me) but i think tasha did, we were up there singing are huge hearts out and everybody was looking and smiling at us, i felt so free LOL, i loved it and after a while of laughing and singing we stopped and got down but before Natasha shouted 'We will be here untill were 16 so pleanty of time to sign autographs' i dont know why but thay made me laugh my head off. And when we were singing the person who i fanceyd was standing there (but i didnt care what he thought about me) since he's came to the school me and Natasha have become more ourselfs and not afraid to do something different or impulsive with out worrying what people think about us. so I'm really happy about that.

So that was my best todays it might not sound really great but if you would of been there you would have laughed your heads off too. luv shaunie xxxx

NeBo's READ HERE

Iâ�™m starting a revolt Iâ�™ve fucking had it

Iâ�™m fed up with stupid stereotypes!!! Iâ�™m starting something new itâ�™s called NEBO I hope it becomes big among teens such as us. Iâ�™m starting a revolt. Emo, Townie, Chav, Gangsta and more these are some of the stereo type that we have. What the fuck is wrong with our generation we canâ�™t like something without being classed amongst other people can we. Iâ�™m annoyed with the global newspaper â�˜The Sunâ�™ a section of the news paper was called â�˜The Quick Guide To Emoâ�™ and strongly disagree with the point they are trying to pass, and that point is that if you wear tight black jeans, like polka dots and leopard print accessories you are a typical Emo girl. If you like bands such as fall out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Dashboard Confessional, Funeral For A Friend and My Chemical Romance you are full on Emo. Take me for example Iâ�™m 13 years old, because I like Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco and My Chemical Romance doesnâ�™t mean Iâ�™m a fucking EMO. I have nothing against Emo I have quite a lot of Emo friends but, I donâ�™t know how to put it, Iâ�™m not Emo but, okay I donâ�™t know really. Iâ�™m not emo, Iâ�™m not anything, wait Iâ�™m a Nebo. Nebo means like anything I want but Iâ�™m not classed anything else but NEBO. Nebo is the new thing your not emo, not Chav, not Gangsta join the Nebo its open. I donâ�™t think Iâ�™m going to see any other Neboâ�™s but who gives a Shit. Iâ�™m just trying to bring a bit of free feeling of what people like and not being classed about it. I have nothing against different classes I can get along with anyone but I choose not to be apart of a certain group my main group is the NEBO at are school but I could hang around with anyone if I wanted to. How can Panic! At The Disco be called as Emo. I believe that Brendon Urie said on an interview with NME â�˜Emo is bullshitâ�™ and they are his precise words. â�˜EMO IS BULLSHITâ�™ AND Ryan Ross said that â�˜We donâ�™t even listen to emo what ever that is, are lyrics are sarcastic and angry, and emo is stupidâ�™ if they thought that how could their music be Emo? In other words join me and my NeBo group. Be free of expression and likes and dislikes. Donâ�™t be class what you donâ�™t want to be classed as be classed as a Nebo. I have a best friend name Megz people come up to her saying is Shaunie back to normal yet and her answer is always â�˜NO, not yetâ�™ I know my friends love me so much but they donâ�™t really like what I am. Iâ�™m being classed as Emo Girl. And I donâ�™t want to be classed as things I donâ�™t want to be. If I didnâ�™t go to a school or live in a place I do I would be Emo, but I canâ�™t really. I turned the way I am by fault my boyfriend died and I changed a lot, I couldnâ�™t help it. Everybody changes and they cannot control it, I've learnt because Iâ�™ve tried. I tried to delete the music, the memories the friends. But you lot are so much to me I couldnâ�™t. so Iâ�™m offering you a invitation to join me, if you decline I donâ�™t mind because your happy of what your are.

XxXxXxXxXxXx-ShAuNiE-xXxXxXxXxXxX

Love you all x

Please dont go. i still really like you

I said goodbye to my best friend, sometimes there no one left to tell me the truth

And its gunna kill me for the rest of my life,

Let me apologize while Iâ�™m still alive,

Knowing that it will never be the same again,

Wishing it would be how it used to be,

But something happened I changed so much over time

This is my all time low

I feel like letting go

Please forgive my stupid mistakes please I beg of you

You donâ�™t see that I still really like you

I donâ�™t want us to stop and for you to go

Without you in my life I feel so sick and slow

I feel like there is a wall between us if we donâ�™t grab the chance now it will never be the same again,

Youâ�™re my best friend I donâ�™t want to let go of you I wish it was the beginning not the end,

Black tears rush from my eyes,

From all the stupid fights and lies,

Tonightâ�™s your last chance to

Do exactly what you want to do

So grab it before we fade and lose each other and never to be found again, itâ�™s the same in my head

But whatâ�™s left is the box of memoryâ�™s I keep underneath my bed.

As my pen draggs on the paper it.....

As my pen drags on the smooth surface of the paper it creates dreams poems and much worse,

The pen expresses who you really are inside,

The part what you thought was never there and the part you seem to hide,

The part witch nobody ever knows of and nobodyâ�™s ever seen,

When the pen touches, it reveals your wildest dreams,

Reveling a new world unknown and unseen,

Dark things lie behind your mind waiting for a chance,

A chance for them to be set free,

What you thought was dark and dreary is full of light,

Helping people coup and sleep through the night,

At first you wrote these words which people held in there hearts but at first nobody cared,

But now you look around they seem to be everywhere,

Helping people go threw what youâ�™ve gone through too,

My lives over, Yer my mum died too,

And every second that goes by,

Iâ�™m screaming out for second tries,

Wishing she was here to hold me and say I love you once more,

But now thereâ�™s nobody here to help me when Iâ�™m feeling sore,

So Iâ�™m leaving you with words that I have always remembered â�˜live through the dark thereâ�™s all ways lightâ�™ remember that!